For Better or for Worse

"What you doing here James?" I heard mommy ask daddy.  

Her chest started heaving and her nose was flaring like she was some kind of wild bull. You know those big black bulls you see on the pasture with the big horns? Mr. Joe has one in the back of his house eating all the grass.  Sometimes James and I pass there when we are coming from school; I am scared of them because they always have a way of looking at you with those devil eyes like they are waiting for you to pass to give you one hard boot !

But daddy just staring.  He not saying anything; he just stand up there looking at mommy like he thinks she is going crazy.  Daddy finally open his mouth and looked down at his brown converse that looks like it is very new,

"Janice what you mean by that?"

"And you have the balls to ask me what I mean by that James? James how much years you leave here and never look back? Look how big you children is now!  And the problem is not that you go you know, you didn't walk out on me like everybody else think.  At least you tell me you was going.  Me and you sit down in that same living room and we talk about it.  You remember that James? Eh? You remember when you tell me that the job was ah good one that could pay well? You remember how you tell me 6 months go go by so quick? Eh? You remember how I tell you hurry up and come back and doh leave me for too long with you 7 and 2 year old daughters.  You leave here and you didn't even know that I was pregnant with your son.  You leave me with 3 children James?  Not even a phone call James? For almost 13 years James? 13?! Right across the ocean dey you go James and not once you pick up the phone and say you go give us a call? You have people coming around to check to see if we okay but you never do it for yourself. Da was too hard to do? What kinda waste-of-time man you turn out to be James? Ah If you throw a stone from where you living to here ah sure it woulda buss me head.  Look, doh start me up here today about Janice what you mean by that!"

My father finally raised his head and for a second we were looking into each others' eyes.  I could see the pity and the shame.  He looked away and started gazing around;  I guess he was somehow seeing how much things had really changed. I took my eyes off him and the moment my eyes caught up with mommy I knew it was time for me to leave big people business alone.  I grabbed James Jr by the hand (well is that we have to call him now if is two James it have in the house now) and I pulled him for us to leave our parents to sort out their differences.  I was going to tell Petra that she should leave too, but the cut-eye I saw mommy gave to her, I knew she knew that she should leave at once too.

James, Petra and I walked all the way to the back of the house and went up the stairs to the kitchen.  We pulled the door open and James and I walked in but Petra sat on the step.  I could see the tears that were building up in her eyes but I didn't know what to do.  She was the big sister; the always tough big sister who you never saw showing much emotions.  It was so different to see her looking so down, so I asked,

"Petra, you go be okay?"

She nodded at me and I took that as the sign to give her some space.

I didn't know what was going to happen to our family but things were changing and I wasn't too sure if this change for better or for worse.




*****
To boot - headbutt 
To have the balls - to be courageous 
Waste-of-time-man - pathetic 
Big-people business - conversations reserved for adults only
Cut-eye - a dirty look